Courage?

Someone told E that she thought mitda was “courageous” in leaving. Perhaps in the simple fact of doing it, but certainly not in the way she went about it. Rather than tell me that she wanted to leave, right up to her leaving she was constantly pleading that this was the life she wanted and asking for reassurance that we would be there for her. Once on vacation she took money in an underhanded way, knowing she was not planning to return, without being able to tell emmie or I that she wasn’t returning until I was about to get ready to head to the airport to pick her up.

Once gone, despite having left less than half of the amount she took for herself for the three of us to survive on for a month, and having income coming to her at the same time as my first cheque was due to arrive, she almost immediately asked for over half of my first cheque, Seems that she had all kinds of confidence when she believed someone else was willing to foot the bill, but just as when she left last year but stayed in Austin, when nobody else wanted to take care of things for her she came running back here. Due to the way she left and the mess she left us in I had no means to assist however, nor was I particularly interested in doing so had I the means.

Perhaps she will find some courage at this point. The more likely scenario is that she will do whatever she thinks she needs to in order to convince somebody else to help her. I would rather hope that she gets herself on her feet, but her history is to fall towards whomever looks most likely to catch her.

But perhaps after all there was a sliver of courage in her leaving the way she did, since some part of her must have known she was burning her bridges and would be unlikely to be able to look this way for assistance if things didn’t go as well as she hoped. If there was some courage in it, and it wasn’t simply avoidance of dealing with any aspect of the situation directly, perhaps she will find a bit more on her way and get herself together without too much outside help.


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