Changes and Judgments

Lately days seem to run together.  It gets difficult to remember what one did 3 or 4 days or nights ago.  I often feel like I’m not really doing anything although I have a number of projects on the go.

Writing in a contemplative mode has become more difficult.  I find my thinking betrayed by the nominal formations of the words and phrases that people find comprehensible, and writing in a more verb-oriented, dynamic manner lends itself to accusations of intentional obfuscation.  And yet the inevitable misinterpretations that happen when I attempt to convey my thinking in nominal terms end up making me physically ill after conversations where there is any real matter at stake.

Judgment, always a difficult topic, is more and more in the forefront of my mind.  It seems to be infecting every area of my life with newfound difficulties.

All this is isolating me mood-wise, with the resulting desire to isolate physically.  And yet I remain aware of my interdependence with every other human being.

We have an upcoming meeting that is joint between the Master/slave group and the local submissives group, with guest speakers, discussing poly M/s.   As we are almost the local poster-family for poly M/s it pretty much behooves us to go.  Actually I have no desire to go at all, but it would be rude, particularly to certain people I’m very fond of, if we skipped the event.

In the meantime the odd feelings that go with a big change in the lives of household members continue to strain things.  Although I think patience is a key ingredient, the sense of the right moment to step in and temporarily suspend that patience is also important.  Trying to balance the two is a big part of my interactions at the moment.


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