Monthly Archives: September 2010

Changes and Frustrations

Like anyone I have a number of frustrations that come up at different times.  Such as peoples’ inability to follow what seem to me the most obvious of implications.  Such as the blatant discrepancies between peoples’ self descriptions and their behaviour.  I understand that people are self contradictory, that the mind is not a unified system, that’s not really what I’m discussing.  The behaviour that bothers me is when someone  is entirely consistent in all their actions and their speech, except the two are entirely disparate from each other.

When it comes to society in general it’s really no more than the irritation of the person that wants to help and knows how to help in some manner, but is prevented from doing so.  Not a big deal – my personal life is far more cogent to me than any potential effect I might have in a more general way.  That politics and economics are reduced to a matter of taking sides, neither of which has ideas that have anything to do with reality.  That communities are too busy deciding who doesn’t belong to consider what the community is about in the first place.  That science produces wonderful answers to all kinds of nonexistent or at best irrelevant problems.  None of these things are really that big an issue to me.

When it comes into my personal life though it becomes more difficult to simply not be bothered with it.  As people I know change as they go through life and encounter different experiences, I’m often caught off guard by the suddenness of the change. Partly because I’m not prone to as-sudden overall changes, as a result of having matured over-early.   Partly because I’m very anticipatory – often I’ve been making minor adjustments for a long time prior to an event that I anticipate will require change.

Right now I’m in the situation of having to respond to a number of major changes in someone very close to me.  While the implications of those changes have come out over a fair period of time, the changes themselves were quite sudden and easily pinpointed, timewise.  The difficulty involved for me is that the things the person says of themselves go with the behaviour of the person prior to those changes, while the behaviour since has changed and continues to change in ways that sometimes I can’t even anticipate.  Worse, pointing out the behavioural changes is always taken as a criticism that they’re not “the way they should be”, when I’m simply trying to point out that they’re not the way they were at a different point in time, and that they’re not the way they verbally present themselves.  In a different type of relationship it might seem to be the type of thing that one takes time with and waits on, until the person involved recognizes the extent to which they themselves have changed.   When you have complete responsiblity for that person it can be a different matter.