Between my post on refusal and now I’ve had a very odd change in my manner of being.
I had what used to be called, in the conceptual world, a “divine revelation”. Since I live in the post conceptual (post religious-metaphysical-scientific) world it was no long divine in any sense. However it was reflexive in a way that no epiphany could be. It was a revelation of the nature of revelation itself.
The reflexivity made me suddenly understand Hegel’s Absolute Knowing, Nietzsche’s Eternal Recurrence of the Same, and Heidegger’s vom Ereignis (from Enowning) simultaneously as attempts to provoke the experience. Not that they do, but they do at least prepare one for it in a similar way to mystic practice preparing one for divine revelation. Understanding understanding, as it were, doesn’t give you an understanding of anything in particular. It gives you a different sense of things where understanding precedes self-conscious interpretation.