I have been considering the Void lately. Not that void that science deals with that stands in for not-matter wherever there isn’t matter, that void is still in space, in time, in the universe. The Void I am thinking on is neither in space nor time, but exceeds both, nor is it a part of that finite but unbounded thing we call the Universe, it exceeds that also.
This particular void is not graspable, it can’t be conceptualized in any conceptual en-grasping. It doesn’t take part in mankind’s en-framing of the universe into calculable resources, it remains outside, incalculable, unresourceful. It can’t be presented to someone or represented to oneself, and yet, terrifyingly at times, it remains experienceable.
One might expect that experiencing this would cause one to cling to one’s fellows, much as people gather and hold one another during a storm. But it is not a storm, it is calm as death, and perhaps it would have this effect on another, in fact perhaps half the distractions of society exist in pure response to it, but on me it renders me distant, alone and with the desire to be more so.
I have taken things to become more calm, taken other things that I hope will bring me back towards some form of integration with the World. It could look like depression and perhaps there is some of that lurking around. In the meantime I have to try to balance my responsibilities within-the-world with the undeniable situation that a good part of me is not there.