Monthly Archives: August 2007

Successful playtime

During the evening mitda and I ate and played. This time I took her close to her limits, scaring her in the process, which I believe was what she needed after a fair period of very little S & M. We eventually collapsed exhausted, much to emmie’s disappointment when she arrived at midnight to find us both flat out asleep.

However I did wake back up around 3 am. emmie and I played, in a very different way to mitda and I, as is our wont, and she seemed much happier after that. We continued until nearly 7 am with something of a break in the middle, and then it was pretty much time for breakfast.

All in all I feel that much closer to the two of them than I felt yesterday. We play hard, and we play rough, and it isn’t for everyone. But it works for us.


Successful playtime

During the evening mitda and I ate and played. This time I took her close to her limits, scaring her in the process, which I believe was what she needed after a fair period of very little S & M. We eventually collapsed exhausted, much to emmie’s disappointment when she arrived at midnight to find us both flat out asleep.

However I did wake back up around 3 am. emmie and I played, in a very different way to mitda and I, as is our wont, and she seemed much happier after that. We continued until nearly 7 am with something of a break in the middle, and then it was pretty much time for breakfast.

All in all I feel that much closer to the two of them than I felt yesterday. We play hard, and we play rough, and it isn’t for everyone. But it works for us.


Playtime after a long week

Tonight we have decided to indulge in playtime in a hotel after what has proven to be a long week at work. mitda and I are going to play first, while emmie goes to a dinner with friends, and then emmie is going to join us at midnight and all three of us will play for the rest of the night. It gives us time away from the kids and the household in general, time to indulge in the loud types of play that we can’t do at home at the moment, and time to indulge in the type of TPE I feel is possible between the three of us but difficult to engage in consistently with others around.

This doesn’t mean I don’t believe our normal relationship is a TPE one. It’s just that, with the three of us and nobody else, we are able to be further along the vector, the “as-if” of total power exchange that much closer to its totality.


Playtime after a long week

Tonight we have decided to indulge in playtime in a hotel after what has proven to be a long week at work. mitda and I are going to play first, while emmie goes to a dinner with friends, and then emmie is going to join us at midnight and all three of us will play for the rest of the night. It gives us time away from the kids and the household in general, time to indulge in the loud types of play that we can’t do at home at the moment, and time to indulge in the type of TPE I feel is possible between the three of us but difficult to engage in consistently with others around.

This doesn’t mean I don’t believe our normal relationship is a TPE one. It’s just that, with the three of us and nobody else, we are able to be further along the vector, the “as-if” of total power exchange that much closer to its totality.


Poetry Thursday (after mitda’s post)

Then spoke the thunder
D A
Datta: what have we given?
My friend, blood shaking my heart
The awful daring of a moment’s surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract
By this, and this only, we have existed
Which is not to be found in our obituaries
Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider
Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor
In our empty rooms
D A
Dayadhvam: I have heard the key
Turn in the door once and turn once only
We think of the key, each in his prison
Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison
Only at nightfall, aetherial rumours
Revive for a moment a broken Coriolanus
D A
Damyata: The boat responded
Gaily, to the hand expert with sail and oar
The sea was calm, your heart would have responded
Gaily, when invited, beating obedient
To controlling hands

… From The Waste Land, T.S.Eliot


Poetry Thursday (after mitda’s post)

Then spoke the thunder
D A
Datta: what have we given?
My friend, blood shaking my heart
The awful daring of a moment’s surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract
By this, and this only, we have existed
Which is not to be found in our obituaries
Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider
Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor
In our empty rooms
D A
Dayadhvam: I have heard the key
Turn in the door once and turn once only
We think of the key, each in his prison
Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison
Only at nightfall, aetherial rumours
Revive for a moment a broken Coriolanus
D A
Damyata: The boat responded
Gaily, to the hand expert with sail and oar
The sea was calm, your heart would have responded
Gaily, when invited, beating obedient
To controlling hands

… From The Waste Land, T.S.Eliot


Some of the niceties …

Some of the niceties of being dominant in a TPE situation are, well, obvious. If I need anything, I can just ask and it will be procured. If things need to be done around the house, I can assign it to one of my slaves and it will get done at the time I propose. Things like this make my life very much easier than it would be otherwise.

Other things are not so obvious, but after a while one gets used to them. Having slaves wait on one, in a literal sense, waiting for one’s instructions, commands, compliments or complaints gives one a great sense of personal existence. Not only do I depend upon myself, others depend upon me. And this is extremely gratifying.

And, of course, it all adds up to a lot of responsibility.

If someone is waiting on one, in that sense, then one has a responsibility to see that they get what they need. Not what they want, necessarily, or even what they think they need, but what they actually need, and one has the responsibility of figuring out what that is, before one can provide it.

But this is the nicest nicety of all, at the end of the day. Figuring out what someone needs and providing it is the most satisfying thing to a dominant. To a slave, being told what the master needs and providing it is the greatest satisfaction, to the master, figuring out what the slave needs without being told is the greatest thing.


Some of the niceties …

Some of the niceties of being dominant in a TPE situation are, well, obvious. If I need anything, I can just ask and it will be procured. If things need to be done around the house, I can assign it to one of my slaves and it will get done at the time I propose. Things like this make my life very much easier than it would be otherwise.

Other things are not so obvious, but after a while one gets used to them. Having slaves wait on one, in a literal sense, waiting for one’s instructions, commands, compliments or complaints gives one a great sense of personal existence. Not only do I depend upon myself, others depend upon me. And this is extremely gratifying.

And, of course, it all adds up to a lot of responsibility.

If someone is waiting on one, in that sense, then one has a responsibility to see that they get what they need. Not what they want, necessarily, or even what they think they need, but what they actually need, and one has the responsibility of figuring out what that is, before one can provide it.

But this is the nicest nicety of all, at the end of the day. Figuring out what someone needs and providing it is the most satisfying thing to a dominant. To a slave, being told what the master needs and providing it is the greatest satisfaction, to the master, figuring out what the slave needs without being told is the greatest thing.


New work situation

Today I have to guide someone into upgrading a very complex enterprise class software system. The fortunate thing is that the upgrade is being done in the test environment, not production, given that it’s the first time I’ve done it on this software. The unfortunate thing is that by repute the woman I have to work with at the client is utterly incapable of doing anything except following instructions. A colleague of mine has to work with her this morning to troubleshoot a new development server that she installed, and didn’t manage to get working, and his initial response to my question about what he was doing with her was “committing suicide”.

Guiding people can be both simple and complex. There is a psychology involved in getting someone to do what you want, exactly, precisely, without any open domination such as I have with mitda and emmie. In this case I still need to dominate, but as an “expert” and not a master. I like the following quote on the difference between an expert and a master, though you’ll have to extrapolate its meaning since it specifically is talking about the two in terms of art.

“Expertise and Mastery: an expert, like an Aristotelian phronimos, does the right thing at the right time and in the right way (and will be immediately recognized by his or her community as having done so); but a true master inaugurates a new discursive practice, often transforming the old standards of success in the process and so requiring more time to be recognized.”

Obviously installing somebody else’s software is not “inaugurating a new discursive practice” in any sense. It’s as an expert, then, that I need to make myself known and try to garner respect for my instructions by having my domain knowledge validated in practice.

Mastery has to be validated in practice as well. emmie and mitda have been wonderful enough to give me their trust and respect quite freely, but having it and keeping it involves earning it all the more. In this comes the notion of responsibility, which I am currently studying and investigating as a result. As an expert at work, my responsibilities are limited – to this project, these products, etc. – while as a Master to emmie and mitda there are no limits to my responsibilities. Expressing this leads to a limitation in itself of language, and as Wittgenstein suggested, running up against the limits of language is ethics.


New work situation

Today I have to guide someone into upgrading a very complex enterprise class software system. The fortunate thing is that the upgrade is being done in the test environment, not production, given that it’s the first time I’ve done it on this software. The unfortunate thing is that by repute the woman I have to work with at the client is utterly incapable of doing anything except following instructions. A colleague of mine has to work with her this morning to troubleshoot a new development server that she installed, and didn’t manage to get working, and his initial response to my question about what he was doing with her was “committing suicide”.

Guiding people can be both simple and complex. There is a psychology involved in getting someone to do what you want, exactly, precisely, without any open domination such as I have with mitda and emmie. In this case I still need to dominate, but as an “expert” and not a master. I like the following quote on the difference between an expert and a master, though you’ll have to extrapolate its meaning since it specifically is talking about the two in terms of art.

“Expertise and Mastery: an expert, like an Aristotelian phronimos, does the right thing at the right time and in the right way (and will be immediately recognized by his or her community as having done so); but a true master inaugurates a new discursive practice, often transforming the old standards of success in the process and so requiring more time to be recognized.”

Obviously installing somebody else’s software is not “inaugurating a new discursive practice” in any sense. It’s as an expert, then, that I need to make myself known and try to garner respect for my instructions by having my domain knowledge validated in practice.

Mastery has to be validated in practice as well. emmie and mitda have been wonderful enough to give me their trust and respect quite freely, but having it and keeping it involves earning it all the more. In this comes the notion of responsibility, which I am currently studying and investigating as a result. As an expert at work, my responsibilities are limited – to this project, these products, etc. – while as a Master to emmie and mitda there are no limits to my responsibilities. Expressing this leads to a limitation in itself of language, and as Wittgenstein suggested, running up against the limits of language is ethics.