Monthly Archives: June 2007

Looking at others’ experiences

I’ve found a couple of interesting blogs by owners/masters, unfortunately one that I related to very well has ceased posting on the subject and, while other parts of his and his partner’s life are also great reading I do miss the comments on the subject of D/s, such as the following.

“The problem that I have been having is that a lot of websites dealing with this are mostly dealing with the feelings of the psychology from a submissive point of view. Why is it, that these feelings can easily be classified for submissives, yet there is no website out there that deals with the Dominant side of things. No set of `tools` that would help a Dominant understand these issues and help them to enhance the relationship. It’s almost like Doms are to know-it-all. Aren’t we humans after all? Do we not have our own issues and emotional bagage to deal with?

I guess that is one of the major parts I am struggling with, at the moment. Do I want more control .. yes but how do I go about implementing this. A good example is `reactance`. It’s a description of how a submissive will fight certain aspects of the control. But it is not said how a Dom deals with the fact that if the submissive tells him where to stick it. A Dom might be able to tell that the sub is reacting against his orders, but what tools does he have at his disposal?

Does he punish her? This could be one way, but would punishment really deal with the underlying issue? I tend to believe this is certainly not the case. One way would be talking, but what if both parties have talked and debated the issue, and no agreement can be reached? Do you just waltz over the issue and pretend to ignore the muttering and the fingered salute that is given behind your back?

I guess my problem is, that I have trouble at the moment to grasp where to go from here. How to implement structures that increase the submissiveness, without it becoming a forced affair. How to keep the relationship alive and blossoming without grinding it slowly to a halt in stricter and stricter rules.

I was just thinking of a quote I have: From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them. I am not sure where this comes from or who the orginal source is, but it is true in a way.”

I’m not going to bother with the link as the blog owner has specifically said he is no longer interested in discussing his D/s relationship, he is just living it. Another blog that is being kept up has had a couple of good posts but I’m reserving judgment until I read a few more, if I still like it I’ll add it to my blogroll.

Mitdasein


Looking at others’ experiences

I’ve found a couple of interesting blogs by owners/masters, unfortunately one that I related to very well has ceased posting on the subject and, while other parts of his and his partner’s life are also great reading I do miss the comments on the subject of D/s, such as the following.

“The problem that I have been having is that a lot of websites dealing with this are mostly dealing with the feelings of the psychology from a submissive point of view. Why is it, that these feelings can easily be classified for submissives, yet there is no website out there that deals with the Dominant side of things. No set of `tools` that would help a Dominant understand these issues and help them to enhance the relationship. It’s almost like Doms are to know-it-all. Aren’t we humans after all? Do we not have our own issues and emotional bagage to deal with?

I guess that is one of the major parts I am struggling with, at the moment. Do I want more control .. yes but how do I go about implementing this. A good example is `reactance`. It’s a description of how a submissive will fight certain aspects of the control. But it is not said how a Dom deals with the fact that if the submissive tells him where to stick it. A Dom might be able to tell that the sub is reacting against his orders, but what tools does he have at his disposal?

Does he punish her? This could be one way, but would punishment really deal with the underlying issue? I tend to believe this is certainly not the case. One way would be talking, but what if both parties have talked and debated the issue, and no agreement can be reached? Do you just waltz over the issue and pretend to ignore the muttering and the fingered salute that is given behind your back?

I guess my problem is, that I have trouble at the moment to grasp where to go from here. How to implement structures that increase the submissiveness, without it becoming a forced affair. How to keep the relationship alive and blossoming without grinding it slowly to a halt in stricter and stricter rules.

I was just thinking of a quote I have: From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them. I am not sure where this comes from or who the orginal source is, but it is true in a way.”

I’m not going to bother with the link as the blog owner has specifically said he is no longer interested in discussing his D/s relationship, he is just living it. Another blog that is being kept up has had a couple of good posts but I’m reserving judgment until I read a few more, if I still like it I’ll add it to my blogroll.

Mitdasein


M. is back

I haven’t asked for details but apparently mitda and her M. have made up. I’m glad and not at the same time, glad for mitda and for M., a little un-glad for myself, as it means mitda is still at the behest of two masters.

Of course I can’t complain, since with emelina I now have two permanent live in subs. Emelena is also taking the lead of the 3 of us in really investigating the bdsm lifestyle, something mitda and I have steered around to this point. You can see some results of this on the web page with the bdsm flag now proudly flown and our association to Austin GWNN (group with no name) noted on the sidebar.

One thing with researching bdsm online is the number of people whose posts lead one to believe that either they a) live in a Gorean fantasy world or b) are full of crap about their real life D/s experiences, especially in a permanent live-in situation.

I’ve read things on reactance where the writer (a slave) says her reactance “increases” when an important freedom is withheld or completely taken away, such as being locked in the cell on days where she is supposed to go to work (!). Either they are in no need of her income and her dom is trying to get her fired, or he is an idiot. And if he doesn’t want her to work, then why not simply order her, as her master, to leave her job?

more later
Das


M. is back

I haven’t asked for details but apparently mitda and her M. have made up. I’m glad and not at the same time, glad for mitda and for M., a little un-glad for myself, as it means mitda is still at the behest of two masters.

Of course I can’t complain, since with emelina I now have two permanent live in subs. Emelena is also taking the lead of the 3 of us in really investigating the bdsm lifestyle, something mitda and I have steered around to this point. You can see some results of this on the web page with the bdsm flag now proudly flown and our association to Austin GWNN (group with no name) noted on the sidebar.

One thing with researching bdsm online is the number of people whose posts lead one to believe that either they a) live in a Gorean fantasy world or b) are full of crap about their real life D/s experiences, especially in a permanent live-in situation.

I’ve read things on reactance where the writer (a slave) says her reactance “increases” when an important freedom is withheld or completely taken away, such as being locked in the cell on days where she is supposed to go to work (!). Either they are in no need of her income and her dom is trying to get her fired, or he is an idiot. And if he doesn’t want her to work, then why not simply order her, as her master, to leave her job?

more later
Das