Some problems evade definition. So do some situations. One of the more difficult things is to live with that and not try to define a situation to death. We like to have a situation as fully defined as possible, it gives us the warm fuzzies. We also like to think we have a problem defined in such a way that we can map out the steps to a solution. Sometimes those very definitions kill the situation, or make the problem insoluble.
mitda and I have been wrestling with this type of situation for a good while. With emmie and I things are more defined, the outlines and contours of the relationship more visible and less shifting. And of course the contrast only added to the urge to overdefine the relationship mitda and I have. It also added to the urge to define the problems in the relationship, after all, every relationship has its problems. The process of defining was nothing more than a process of undoing, though. Now we are feeling our way towards a redoing.
This kind of situation has to be handled in a mode of gelassenheit, an active letting things be what they are and will be. The abyss is all too present to be ignored in this kind of situation, but it is the only abground available for the relationship to stand or to fall on.
